Six Sentence Sunday
By Monica. Filed in Writing |Tags: sixsunday, writing
I’ve recently joined the many authors who participate in #sixsunday. It’s just what it sounds like: I post six sentences from my work on my blog. That’s it! Follow the link in the caption if you’re interested in participating.
This week’s excerpt is from my WIP currently called STOPPING BULLETS (still awaiting a better title). My main character is a young woman, Justine, with a talent for stopping bullets and moving other things with her mind. She lives a secretive life to avoid becoming an experiment in a lab somewhere.
I’ll pick up right where I left off a couple of weeks ago.
That almost made me laugh. Almost.
Into my second-hand coat pocket went my black apron and the tag that read Justine. A yellow cab dropped off a man in a suit at the curb. The cabbie asked with his eyes if I would be his next fare. “Money’s not even warm in my pocket…”
This is hardly a finalized work, so with that in mind, feel free to comment!
Sunday, September 2nd 2012 at 8:57 am |
So far so good.
Tuesday, September 4th 2012 at 10:51 am |
Thanks, Elaine!
Thursday, September 6th 2012 at 7:12 pm |
I like the voice in this snippet, but the last sentence throws me off. Is she saying that she’s only had some money for a little while, and is about to spend it all on cab fare? I guess I don’t really think about money getting warm while I’m carrying it.
Thursday, September 6th 2012 at 8:34 pm |
Hi Chris, thanks for the comment! The last sentence feels weird because it stops in the middle of a thought. She actually turns down the cabbie. (I can only post 6 sentences, so I had to stop there.)
I thought the phrase “not even warm in my pocket” would convey that she’s just gotten paid, so she hasn’t had the money long enough to spend it. But perhaps you’re right and the analogy doesn’t work, since money doesn’t really get warm (although things get warm when you hold them, but this might be stretching it too far). Thanks for giving me something to think about!